- Remember the lady in Baltimore who got sued by her cable ISP?
- How about the guy who actually cashed a junk mail check
Some other juicy tales of legal horror can be found at www.legalhumor.com.
Some other juicy tales of legal horror can be found at www.legalhumor.com.
They want this. They just don’t want to be beta testing — as a matter of fact, they will wait for version 3.1 just to be sure it works as expected.
They have been sitting on most of this stuff for more time than they care to admit.
You may have already read this one — it has even been written up in wired — but they are proud to have been among the first to pass it around amongst our circle of friends. What is it? Why, nothing more than the true(?!) story of the rocket car. Take that, urban legends!
They have many single geeky friends. The only possible explanation for the dwindling number of those is that they are getting older. Or maybe, this might explain it better. They certainly hope not, or else the next time they throw a party, they had better to expect to lose at least one complete set of silverware.
No matter how hard they try, they will never build a web site as, well, smart as 20 questions.
(Stolen Without Permission from Journal of anillegiblycopiedtitle)*
WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the square of the** distance between them.
CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as “tunneling,” this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor’s domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the “Uncertainty Principle,” it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.
NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a “gluing” force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power cannot therefore be permanently guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this produce consists of 99.999999999999% empty space.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of a grand unified theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional^ legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are “rolled up” into such a small area that they cannot be detected.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my dog; don’t quote me on that; don’t quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; article is provided “as is” without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity article; no shoes, no shirt, no service; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental discression advised, text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable; keep away from sunlight; keep away from OJ; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this article could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a physician; articles are ribbed for your pleasure; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB’s, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. 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They don’t care about you, or your data. You come here, and they just don’t care who you are.
they need an email to verify commenting and posting accounts with. Once you reply back to validate the account (or visit the site to validate the account) you should never hear another word from they.com.
they won’t sell, give away, lease, or announce your address. to anyone. ever. or any of your other data, for that matter.
they put this site up just so they could have a page they like. if you like it too… well, they just think that is a happy accident.
and another thing. they don’t care what stocks you own, either.
For that matter, have you even read the disclaimer?