Well, there is another one just like it. Almost.
So, we’re watching Leno — and holy merde, do we miss Johnny — and there is a kid who has many vacumn cleaners. Not only that, but he’s overly excited about them. Also, he knows too much about them.
I shudder to think of when he reaches puberty. I think we’ve already heard this story as an urban legend.
Then, being as lazy as they are, they watched Conan. No channel change involved. Only to be greeted by the most self-hating homophobe in the industry. (No, not Haggard. He’s not gay, remember? No, really. ALL the self-respecting fags they know disown any homosexual tendencies he has ever had.)
Not that they really care. Haggard has as much relevence as Prince’s shadow-calligraphy-penis during the superbowl show. Which is to say, none. Why not spend days on the death of a nobody, like, oh, say… Anna Smith. What? Don’t you recognize her without her middle name? Would it be more memorable were her middle name “Wayne”?
Update: They like Jon Stewart’s take on Haggard’s cure: “You know when your parents caught you smoking for the first time? And you dad made you smoke an entire carton?”
Further update: they presume dad uses blended scotch, so as not to waste the single-malt.