They are trying so hard not to be evil.
They never were even accepted into the Axis of Evilâ„¢. Perhaps it is because they don’t have any weapons of mass destruction. Perhaps it is because they are always disgusted by acts of terrorism instead of supporting them. Oh, and they never received an application form, not that they would have filled it out.
They have even tried the evil patch. OK, they were going to try it, but it looks too much like a pirate eye patch, and they don’t like parrots that much.
But that’s not the important thing. They are just like you, except for your deepest, darkest secrets. They do not have secrets anymore. Not that they ever really did…
…the lawsuits about this election are over.
Could anything be more dishonest than the winner declaring that “it’s time to put our differences behind us?”
Aside from every campaign promise made?
C’mon everyone! Let’s celebrate the sanctity of this cherished institution!
On second thought, let’s just sit back
and have a beer
while everyone else gets worked up
into an amusing
(and sometimes hauntingly paranoid
They say: Anyone who votes for an incumbent is an idiot.
Fact: They like purple. (Duh.)
Fact: They don’t care about dinosaurs.
Fact: They really don’t like purple dinosaurs.
Fact: They really, really don’t like officially trademarked purple dinosaurs with teams of lawyers.
(Actually, they are still laughing about this letter
.) Gosh darn it — they need a new bottle of windex, as the screen they are trying to use to submit this story is now thoroughly mostened with a spit-take combination of allergies and Diet Coke.Can anybody explain why lawyers keep forgetting about the first ammendment? There’s a reason it’s the first one, right? Or have law schools been cutting corners for years, and just skipping over that constitution bugaboo? Could that be why law school takes three years, and not four?