Something dirty (?!), something tasteless

It may or may not be dirty in your mind, but they agree that Furniture Porn really nailed (ha! A triple entendre!) both the lighting and the dialogue.

And on to the tasteless (yes, it’s a lateral move): Jesus Dress Up. Don’t forget the hate mail!

Speaking of tasteless, often comes the thought to their minds that jwz (of Netscape and Mozilla fame) has a high correlation with the standards of behavior they strive to achieve. Especially when really odd topics creep into the conversation.

Aside from the Monkey Butter story, they would like to point out that only a subset of the females of they lactate. Whether or not that can be condensed to the phrase “They lactate, don’t they” may or may not constitute a statement of truth.

They just wanted to get that off their chest

Stop groaning.

Stack of odd stuff

They have been sitting on most of this stuff for more time than they care to admit.

You may have already read this one — it has even been written up in wired — but they are proud to have been among the first to pass it around amongst our circle of friends. What is it? Why, nothing more than the true(?!) story of the rocket car. Take that, urban legends!

They have many single geeky friends. The only possible explanation for the dwindling number of those is that they are getting older. Or maybe, this might explain it better. They certainly hope not, or else the next time they throw a party, they had better to expect to lose at least one complete set of silverware.

No matter how hard they try, they will never build a web site as, well, smart as 20 questions.

Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels

(Stolen Without Permission from Journal of anillegiblycopiedtitle)*

WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the square of the** distance between them.
CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process known as “tunneling,” this product may spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe, including your neighbor’s domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the “Uncertainty Principle,” it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.
NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a “gluing” force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power cannot therefore be permanently guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this produce consists of 99.999999999999% empty space.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain suggested versions of a grand unified theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional^ legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are “rolled up” into such a small area that they cannot be detected.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
Continue reading Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels

Another huge disclaimer

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First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final.

The World’s Most Powerful Meta-Disclaimer

All clauses of this disclaimer apply to the disclaimer itself, except for this first sentence. All other disclaimers that may be found on this site, or sites linked to herein, are obviously subsets of this disclaimer, invalid, illegal, or fattening. All metainformation, HTML tags, photographs, artwork, text, opinions, ideas, facts or factoids contained in this site are either my own, and therefore are Copyright ©1997-2000 by Rainer Brockerhoff, or duly licensed from and/or attributed to the writers, owners or copyright holders, or in good faith presumed to be in the public domain; however, you’re free to copy, reproduce, expand, excerpt or adapt this disclaimer to your own purposes, at your own risk, as long as you assume all responsibility for doing so. All products, brands and company names mentioned are trademarks or trade names of the respective companies and you should mentally insert the appropriate â„¢, ®, © or whatever wherever appropriate. Any links to external sites and any comments about the contents thereof should not be construed as either endorsement or disapproval of such contents, even if such comments overtly purport to do so. E-mail me if you have detected a demonstrable copyright violation. 90% of all cited statistics may have been made up on the spot. Before entering this site be sure to make at least two back-up copies of your mind and other important data on other media to protect against data loss. Brains sold separately. Use, duplication, disclosure or ritual exorcism of this information by the Government (any Government) is subject to the restrictions of physical laws. There is no conscious attempt made nor desire extant to libel or otherwise cause malicious damage, loss, public contempt, defamation, slander, blasphemy, treason, sedition, or ridicule to persons of any gender or even none, cabals, corporations, governments, institutions, corporations, or assemblies of inanimate objects, alien lifeforms, microorganisms, clergy, vegetables, animals, or any collections thereof. No representation whatsoever is made as to the accuracy, political correctness, spelling, syntax, semantics, content or meaning of the graphics, text or downloadable files on this site, or of suitability for use or quoting elsewhere or for any other particular porpoise. As far as I’m concerned all information herein consists solely of sequences of zeroes and ones, being presented as either a satire or a parody of other sequences of zeroes and ones (or even of ones and zeroes) and neither I nor my service provider can be held responsible for any further interpretation, guesstimate, translation, exegesis, deconstruction, memetic emission or absorption, catalysis, transmogrification, alteration or forgery of such sequences made by either your hardware, software or wetware, or by any intervening data communications channel, even if previously advised of such a possibility. Any actions you take based on whatever you saw, or think you saw, on this site are entirely your own responsibility, so there! This site is directed at reasonably mature people of any age and if you’re not among them, life will be tough. Off-site links will usually open in a new window to emphasize that I’m even less responsible for their content. Since all of the Internet’s web pages are interlinked you will sooner than later come to what you may consider a silly, stupid, obscene or otherwise offensive site. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! No electrons, protons, neutrons or other sub-atomic particles, or agglomerations thereof, have been knowingly harmed in preparing this site. All quantum fields and/or state vectors related to this site may spontaneously collapse, decohere, and/or go all higgedly-piggedly as soon as you look at them, and I can’t do anything about it. You may have some rights not detailed in this disclaimer but don’t bet on it. This site (except for a few exceptions which are clearly marked) contains no frames, Java, Javascript or ActiveX, transmits or receives no “cookies”, and requires no particular plug-ins or software to view at your side, as long as you have a reasonably recent graphic browser which supports tables. You should know where to download one from, anyway. Reading a disclaimer like this all the way to the end may have caused irreversible but not necessarily malign changes to your neural whatchamacallits. Fnord, and all that sort of thing, I say. To have the secret second part of this disclaimer transmitted to you over a telepathic tight-beam channel (at 300 bauds nominal, odd parity), bury a signed non-disclosure agreement and exact $1000 in consecutively numbered three-dollar bills in your backyard and stand by for further instructions.

Privacy Policy

they.com has a privacy policy.

They don’t care about you, or your data. You come here, and they just don’t care who you are.

they use cookies to track individual users and preferences.

they need an email to verify commenting and posting accounts with. Once you reply back to validate the account (or visit the site to validate the account) you should never hear another word from they.com.

they won’t sell, give away, lease, or announce your address. to anyone. ever. or any of your other data, for that matter.

they put this site up just so they could have a page they like. if you like it too… well, they just think that is a happy accident.

and another thing. they don’t care what stocks you own, either.

For that matter, have you even read the disclaimer?