So, who could have guessed that The Onion would predict the future ?
(May not be suitable for younger readers,,,)
Sep 162005
Jul 032005
A few things to remember:
- Having side-impact airbags and driving like a jerk do not “cancel out.”
- Slower traffic keep right. Let that swerving, tailgating jerk pass you on the left. Oh, sorry — hang up and let that swerving, tailgating jerk pass you on the left.
- Oh, and everyone who still has a presidential campaign bumper-sticker on your car:
- You weren’t ever about to change anyone else’s mind.
- You probably didn’t even vote.
- You either supported the guy who lost the election, or who has the lowest approval rating in the history of the presidency. Whoo! Go you!
May 282005
They dare you not to cringe when you hear the phrase:
Hot all-management action!
May 062005
Last night on the news there was a story about a dog. You may have seen him; he growls in a way that vaguely resembles the words “I love you.” This apparently is the perfect counterpoint to bombs in the streets in NYC — but that isn’t the point of this entry.
Breathlessly, the announcer stated that this dog “is the tallest Great Dane on record — over seven feet tall when standing on his hind legs!”
Immediately, they got half the story:
The problem with this dog is that he doesn’t hump your leg.
It was a few moments before it all came together:
That’s why his owners taught him to say the words “I love you.”
May 032005
This summer, Duran Duran needs to tour with The Cars and the Go-Gos, all as one band.
Durango Durango.
Apr 262005
Moussaoui has pled guilty, but will fight the death penalty. The US government wants to put him to death. He was willing to die by flying into the White House…
Wait for it! Wait for it!
Continue reading »
They love irony, especially in fiction.
say
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Apr 262005
So, they actually like to imagine that this won’t happen after the next shuttle launch:
- Launch happens debris-free
- Nonetheless, because procedures call for it, the boom camera will swing around to photograph all the sensitive tile areas of the shuttle.
- The boom will accidentally nick some tiles during this process, making the shuttle unfit for landing.
Apr 172005
Mar 292005
Scotty Richter has filed chapter 11.
If only it would truly take.
I wonder if he’ll risk spamming after the filing takes — he wouldn’t be able to hide quickly enough next time!
Mar 152005
Use of this advanced computing technology does not imply an endorsement of Western industrial civilization.